10 Reasons Running Doesn’t Suck As Much As You Think

When Conny posted this article earlier today by Susan Lacke, I felt it my duty to share.  And without further ado I give you

10 Reasons Running Doesn’t Suck As Much As You Think

The word “running” used to conjure up painful and awkward memories of gym class. My middle-school gym teacher, Mrs. Morey, would stand her roly-poly body at the top of the hill behind our school, barking through a megaphone between bites of beef jerky at us red-faced kids as we ran circles around the track. According to her, running  was supposed to build character, or whatever it is they teach gym teachers to say in gym teacher school.

Needless to say, most of the gasping kids on the track were thinking the same thing: Character? <bleep> you. Choke on your jerky, fatty.

Your first experience with running was probably in gym class. And it’s quite possible it left the same rancid taste in your mouth, with little desire to ever run again. But no more! I hit the reset button on my attitude towards running, and for the last two years, have gone from hating running to loving it (most of the time). Running really doesn’t suck as much as you think. Here’s why:

1. Most races and fun runs are full of hot bodies in very little clothing. Let me repeat that: HOT PEOPLE. WEARING PRACTICALLY NOTHING. Wear sunglasses, and ogle with reckless abandon.
2. You can lose weight by drinking nothing but hot water with lemon. Or you can run for an hour, treat yourself to a cookie and still fit into your skinny jeans. One of these options makes you bitchy; the other makes you rad.
3. Take your iPod with you, and your runs suddenly become a safe place to indulge your love of boy-band music. With enough practice, you can even blend in a couple dance moves from ‘Bye Bye Bye’. Don’t lie: You’ve still got that routine memorized.
4. When your boss, your melodramatic friend and your nagging to-do list won’t leave you alone, calmly put on your running shoes and head out the door. They won’t follow you. It’s a safer alternative to storming out with both middle fingers in the air (though you can -and should- still do this in your head, just for spectacular effect).
5. You’ll discover lululemon pants are good for more than just buying tampons and Cheez-its at Target (I know, ladies. My world was rocked with that discovery, too.).
6. Running is the last place you have to “be a lady.” Sweat, snot and sneaking behind a bush to pee is not only liberating it’s fun, in that giggly-childish-naughty kind of way.
7. Getting a run in before happy hour means you get tipsy on half a glass of wine instead of your usual two. That’s not being a lush, that’s just sound economic planning.
8. Studies have shown that runners have better sex. Sex counts as a cross-training workout, which in turn makes you a better runner, which – hello! – leads to even better sex. Really, the whole thing is full of win-wins.
9. Girls are lucky; there’s an entire industry committed to making us look awesome while getting our sweat on. Workout clothes come in all sorts of cool colors and designs. Jockstraps, on the other hand, will always be ugly with questionable stains.
10. Non-runners will sit on the couch and call you crazy. Those folks, sadly, will never learn what their bodies are capable of. You, on the other hand, will die knowing you completely, totally, unabashedly used up the body that was loaned to you. That’s not crazy. That’s freakin’ awesome.

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Meet Susan Lacke

$hit Women Say To Personal Trainers (Inspired By $hit Girls Say)

You don’t have to be a Personal Trainer to appreciate this video.  Have a fantastic day!

Running Humour

A little running humour courtesy of my friend Peter in NYC.

Plantar What?

Turns out that my psychosomatic plantar fasciitis wasn’t in my head after all. A few years ago one of my friends who was also suffering with this foot problem told a group of very proper ladies that she had plantar fellatio…oh yeah.  And since I have been known to order my wine (on more than one occasion) in inches rather than ounces, when I tell someone about my foot I enunciate p-l-a-n-t-a-r f-a-s-c-i-i-t-i-s very slowly and carefully.

Last week I received the official all clear to get back out on the trails and log some distance before the half (not full) marathon.

Lesson learned last week, this morning Conny and I drove to the Reservoir Trail for my final long run, and her taper run.  We were both a little disappointed in the weather, I guess after three days of sun we just expected that it wouldn’t rain this morning; on the bright side I guess we didn’t overheat.

Once again we were taunted by the ravens cawing “back fat” as we walked through the parking lot.  I shot some footage this morning for the non-believers out there, and if I can ever figure out how to get video from my phone to youtube, you will be able to hear this for yourself, because I am not crazy.

So a little out and back to the floating bridge.  Whoever designs the signs for BC Hydro, we would love to meet you.  Although sometimes a little dramatic, the poor little stick figure always seems to be on the verge of a near death experience.

We thought that this one was very Wile. E Coyote

We always manage to find something of interest on our runs. Last time we ran at Hayward Lake we found the orange jumpsuit, today we found a random hip joint.

What did you do today?

January 2

No crosswalks or traffic lights for me this morning, just 10km of picturesque trail in Golden Ears Park. 

Coffee afterwards was just as spectacular. I enjoyed my last eggnog latte of the season as Daryl commented on what big ulnas I have…wrist bones people, come on you have seen me! From there on it just got worse, Angie not recognizing Brian because he was wearing pants, Jake reading articles in the paper, but I heard Playboy. It was just that kind of morning.

However you spent your morning, I hope it made you smile.

Gym etiquette 101

Everyone remembers their most embarrassing moments; they are embarrassing.  But being remembered by another for them can be mortifying, especially at the gym.  With decades (yikes) on the aerobic floor and in the weight room, here are a few tips to keep your cheeks rosy from only exercise:

Clothing – Before you leave home for the gym, ask yourself “is what I am wearing appropriate attire for every exercise that I will be doing today?” Let me help:

o   Bikini tops are not sport bras.

o   Your underwear should reflect the style of the bottoms that you are wearing (nice t-back, but do I really need to see it every time you bend over?).

o   Make sure that buttons, clasps and drawstrings are well maintained and functioning correctly, the gym is no place for a wardrobe malfunction.

o   There is a time and a place for short shorts; the stretch area is not one.  This goes for you too ladies.

o   Men, even if you think that you have abs like “the situation”, keep your shirt on.

• Make-up – do you really need smoky eyes while working out?  As soon as you start sweating (and isn’t that what you are at the gym to do) it is running down your face or smeared all over your towel.  A bit of lip-gloss and waterproof mascara at the most ladies.

• Sweating is a funny thing; you are at the gym to sweat but what if you are one of those people that only sweat in a certain area?  What if you are a crotch sweater?  Might I suggest black pants or shorts?  What if you are an excessive sweater?  A fellow that I know sweats so excessively that once while running on a treadmill the person beside him yelled at him to stop spitting! 

• Exercising way too hard – What constitutes too hard?  Gasping for air, unable to speak, spots before your eyes, feeling dizzy, nauseous, light headed, etc.  No matter how you look at this it is a recipe for disaster because one of several things is likely to happen; you are going to puke, you are going to pass out, or an uncontrollable version of both.  Here are a couple of general rules:

1.     Oops I forgot to eat + exercising way too hard = passing out

2.     Lasagna, Caesar salad and garlic bread 60 minutes before a workout + exercising way too hard = puke

3.     Sensible meal 2-3 hours before workout + exercising way too hard = really, it could go either way.

4.     Keep your feet on the floor and your head out of the toilet or garbage can by exercising responsibly.

• Have you ever witnessed someone falling off a treadmill?  As a huge klutz, I am not a huge fan because of this.   In all of my years at the gym I have never seen anyone recover gracefully or quietly from being thrown from a treadmill.  Speed is not always a factor, just one fumbled footstep and the next thing you know you are crashing to the floor.  You don’t even have to see the person fall; the sound of their pride and ipod hitting the gym floor is enough to make even the most focused athlete turn his head.

Here is my treadmill PSA if you have to hold onto the rails of a treadmill while on an incline, THE INCLINE IS TOO STEEP and if you have to hold onto the rails of a treadmill while walking or running, IT IS TOO FAST FOR YOU.

• Grunting in a gym should be a noise reserved for only Olympic lifters.  If you must grunt in order to lift a weight, that weight is much to heavy for you my friend, you look and sound foolish.

• Farting, passing gas, cutting the cheese, letting ‘er rip, tooting or passing wind, it’s a natural occurrence, but probably not something that you would like to do during a quiet yoga or Pilates class.  It happens and it can happen to the best of us, and for the most part we know when it is going to happen.  But when one just sneaks out…I feel for you, I really do, but forgive me if I am unable to make eye contact with the class for a moment or two, farts are funny.  If I were mature my advice would be to ignore it and pretend that it never happened and stay away from cabbage soup.

And finally

• The locker room – yes, there is an unwritten code of conduct:

o   Respect others’ personal space – unless the locker room is crowded, you don’t have to take the locker or showerhead right next to someone already there.

o   Don’t pee or spit in the shower, that’s just gross.

o   It’s considered rude to stare.

o   Place a towel on the bench before you sit your bare ass on it.

o   Don’t have a conversation lasting more than 5 seconds if you aren’t clothed or in a towel (thanks Lance for that one).

“Chuck the chicken!”

Today was the first session of the Running and Conditioning Clinic, and it was a little like Old MacDonald’s farm. I know that there were a few who were a bit nervous of the “conditioning” part of the clinic (ah, the unknown). Each week it will be something different, some weeks it will be speed play, others hill training, but for our first session I thought that I would introduce the group to a game that I played in KPE 103. And on this farm we had several horses, dogs, cows, geese and a chicken.

After the formalities and the headcount was over, the group split into two teams (which seemed so much easier on paper), team one and team two, and I formally introduced them to Chuck the rubber chicken, coincidently also the name of the game. We moved from the parking lot to the grassy area near the beach of Whonnock Lake and the game quickly got underway.

For those playing along at home:
• To start the game, a player from team one throws Chuck as hard and as far as he/she can and screams “CHUCK THE CHICKEN”!
• Team two races to and picks up Chuck. They form a line and the person holding Chuck passes him over his/her head to the next person, who then passes him through his/her legs to the next person. This person receives Chuck and passes him over his/her head to the next person…
• At the same time as group two is passing Chuck over and under, group one forms a circle (a tight circle is much more efficient) and one person runs around the circle as many times as possible until Chuck has reached the end of group two’s line and the last person left with Chuck throws Chuck as hard and as far as they can and screams “CHUCK THE CHICKEN”!
• Team one races to and picks up Chuck. They form a line and pass Chuck over and under while one person from team two runs around their circle.

Object of the game:
• Each team must keep track of how many times they ran around their circle, and the first team to a specified number wins. As there were 38 people present this morning, we went with the first team to score 38 wins.
• Believe it or not this can be a very strategic (as well as ridiculous) game; where your team locates its circle has a lot to do with how quickly you will retrieve Chuck.

This is how it looked…

The game served as a quick warm-up, adrenaline and competitiveness kicks in very quickly (as we saw today…who was the meanie that plowed into Gisele?). It was also a fantastic icebreaker for those new to the group, for once you have played Chuck the Chicken you are bonded for life!

Back to school…again

For those who spent the first fantastic weekend of October outdoors; enjoying fall’s finest colours and unseasonably warm temperatures…good for you! This is where my head cold and I spent Friday night, all day Saturday and all day Sunday, taking the Weight Trainer Course.

So what did I learn?
• That I had forgotten what most of the names of the muscles were, quads, glutes and hammys were not going to cut it this weekend.
• How to correctly spot (helping someone lift or lower through a portion of an exercise that they can not do by themselves), and that although “banana” is a funny code word for when someone needs help with their lift, it is not always appropriate.
• You should always wipe down a piece of equipment before you use it.
• I draw great stick figures.
• Biff and Mable are great visual names, but Agatha?
• Adidas makes pleather-like workout pants.

All kidding aside, I did learn a lot and thanks to my classmates and instructors, I had a lot of fun learning.

Thursday randoms and ramblings

Conny and I met this morning for our usual, which quickly turned into an unusual Thursday morning run.  As we approached the trail entrance, a man who was smoking (please don’t smoke in our trails) was coming out of the trail with two dogs.  He asked us if we had lost a dog and also told us that one of his unleashed dogs had aggression issues (good to know that your unleashed dog has aggression issues).  Whilst I hid behind Conny (I have issues with unleashed dogs with aggression issues) we told him that we didn’t lose a dog.  He told us that there was a pitbull-mix dog out on the trail, and that it seemed to be nice enough as it got along with both of his dogs, aggression issues and all…thanks for sharing, buh-bye.

No sooner had we started our run, when lo and behold there was the pitbull-mix dog, standing in the middle of the trail barking at us, are aggression issue contagious or just the theme of the morning?  One of the reasons that I love running on the trails is because I don’t have to deal with dogs, maybe the occasional bear or coyote but no mean dogs.  Conny yelled at the dog and it ran back into the trail so we ran into the trail too.  The dog would stop at the top of each little hill, bark, Conny would yell and it would run further into the trail, a nice little pattern was started to emerge.  That was until we started to get a little closer to the dog and it started to growl.

I am the kind of person that if I was ever in a haunted house and I heard a voice whisper “get out”, I would get the eff out, I don’t need to do any further investigation or to be told a second time.  So to me, a growling dog means the same thing, especially a pitbull-mix that I don’t know.  We aren’t even 5 minutes into our run and I am ready to skip the swim, turn around and make up the time on the road.

As Conny is so much braver than me, she yells at the dog again and it runs further still into the trail and makes a quick right turn next to the teddy/hair clip/ribbon/bong memorial (another unusual sighting) at the side of the trail just before the bridge, and is gone.  I thought for sure that he would re-appear just like the voice in the haunted house scenario, but he didn’t.

We continued our run, hit our turn-back point, made the turn and stopped for a quick swim as we crossed back over the bridge (the water was not nearly as cool as I thought it would be after the poor weather that we have had). We also noticed that in addition to the teddy/hair clip/ribbon/bong memorial at the side of the trail, on the floating bridge deck there was a now a random arrangement of fake flowers…what is going on with our trail…We finished our run and didn’t stretch because we were swarmed by mosquitoes.

And now it’s time for some social commentary, which has absolutely nothing to do with running…

When you go to Starbucks there is a fairly good chance that you are going to wait in a line, either waiting to order your coffee, or waiting for your coffee to be made.

If you don’t know what you are going to order, a great time to make those decisions is while you are standing in the waiting to order line-up.  Now if by chance you still have not decided what you would like by the time it is your turn to order and there is a line-up behind you, perhaps you should step aside and let the next person in line place their order while you ponder, and if you are still unable to decide, why not go with the barista recommendation on the menu board (that’s what it is there for). Now if the line-up is growing and growing impatient behind you and you finally decide what you would like to have, and the barista who is still pleasant at this point (how at the this point I don’t know) asks you what size you would like, even if you really don’t know just say medium.  And after the barista has written on the cup and it’s time to pay, please do not say “ah, let’s forget it after all, I didn’t want anything sweet” and walk away because you are just asking for that barista to go Steve Slater all over you with full support of the other patrons!

While standing in the Starbucks line-up this morning and witnessing the above unfold, I couldn’t help but think about the infamous Seinfeld “Soup Nazi” episode….

TMI?

I don’t think that you ever plan on seriously injuring yourself, but if you do, make sure that you run with Brian M, Brian W, Ron, Colin and Mur!  These boys are total rockstars; they will pick you up and carry you out of the trail, they have perfected many lifts, this morning’s included ‘the piggy back’ lift.  Note to self, you may be trying to be helpful and help protect his back, but never tell someone who is piggy-backing someone up a steep and technical single track trail to keep his core muscles tight, it doesn’t go over well.

I run a lot in the trails surrounding Hayward Lake.  Lately I have noticed that there are A LOT of signs, there are some traditional “don’t litter” types of signs, but there are others that are worth taking a second look at.

I wasn’t expecting to seriously injure myself today, and I certainly wasn’t planning on drowning either, to be honest, I wasn’t even planning on going in the water (you can’t see it, but underneath this sign there is also a no burning sign, tee hee).

Conny is always quick to point out that I could drown in a puddle, she has even had a dream that I sank in quicksand, but it was my fault because she told me to go the other way.  I have not seen a sign for that yet, but there should be one, especially near the “likelihood of a mudslide” sign.

I like this sign, keep off the trellises, it appears on the Railway Trail, but I don’t think that there will be any trains using it anytime soon.

This is a good one too, I love the fear in Conny’s eyes as she reenacts it. Conny and I have spoke at great length of exactly what we would do if the dam broke and there was a giant wave chasing us, I still don’t think that we would make it through the blackberry bushes and up the embankment in time, not a wave that size.





This sign (and many others just like it) appears just below the Ruskin Dam

From the looks of all of these signs, an innocent hike or run with family or friends could turn into a near death (or just death) experience. It wasn’t a sign but there was a note on left on the trail map this morning that on June 20^th there was a large black bear sitting on the trail and it was not moving.  Well, at least we have been warned, nothing left to the imagination, we don’t have to worry about expecting the unexpected, because we have even been told.

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